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Little Billy
LITTLE BILLY ON...PRIVACY
Little BILLY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar after another. After the 6th one, a man on the bench across from him said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
Little BILLY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
Oh?" replied the man." Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?" No" replied Little Billy, "he minded his own fucking business!!"
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LITTLE BILLY ON...ENGLISH:
Little BILLY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?" BILLY says " Mas-tur-bate."
Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little BILLY, that's a outhful."
Little BILLY says, "No, Miss Rogers,you're thinking of a blow-job."
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LITTLE BILLY ON...PHILOSOPHY
A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on little BILLY. He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot." The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking." Then little BILLY says, "I have a question for YOU.
There are 3 women sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream. Which one is married?
The teacher, blushing a great deal, replies, "Well, I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone." To which Little BILLY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."
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LITTLE BILLY ON...GRAMMAR:
One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of hands from those who could use the word "beautiful" in the same sentence twice. First she called on little Suzie, who responded with, "My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it." Very good, Suzie," replied the teacher. She then called on little Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully."
The teacher responded, "Excellent, Michael!" Then, she reluctantly called on little BILLY. "Last night, at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said "Beautiful, just fucking beautiful!"
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LITTLE BILLY ON...MATH:
Little BILLY returns home from school and says he got an F in arithmetic. Why?" asks the father." The teacher asked, 'How much is 2x3?' I said 6," replied BILLY. But that's right!" says his dad. "Yeah, but then she asked me, 'How much is 3x2?'" What's the fucking difference? " asks the father. "That's what I said!"
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LITTLE BILLY ON ... GRAMMAR 2:
Little BILLY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed to go to the bathroom. He yelled out," Miss Jones, I need to take a piss!!" Miss Jones replied, "Now, BILLY, that is NOT the proper word to use in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'. Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly and I will allow you to go." Little BILLY thinks for a bit, then says, "You're an eight, but if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"
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LITTLE BILLY ON ... MORAL:
One day at the end of class little Billy's teacher has the class go home and think of a story and then conclude the moral of that story. The following day the teacher asks for the first volunteer to tell a story. Suzy said, "Sunday we load the chicken eggs on the truck and drive into town to sell them at the market. Well, one Sunday we hit a big bump and all the eggs flew out of the basket and onto the road." The teacher asks for the moral of the story. Suzy replies, "Don't keep all your eggs in one basket."
Next is little Lucy. "Well, my dad owns a farm too and every weekend we take the chicken eggs and put them in the incubator. Last weekend only 8 of the 12 eggs hatched." The teacher asks for the moral of the story. Lucy replies "Don't count your chickens before they're hatched."
Last is little Billy. "My uncle Ted fought in the Vietnam war; his plane was shot down over enemy territory. He jumped out before it crashed with only a case of beer, a machine gun and a machete. On the way down he drank the case of beer. Unfortunately, he landed right in the middle of 100 Vietnamese soldiers. He shot 70 with his machine gun but ran out of bullets, so he pulled out his machete and killed 20 more. The blade on his machete broke, so he killed the last ten with his bare hands". The teacher looks in shock at Billy and asks if there is possibly any moral to his story. Billy replies, "Don't fuck with uncle Ted when he's been drinking."
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LITTLE BILLY ON ... TASTE:
It's the first day of kindergarten, and the teacher decides to do taste association. 'I'll blindfold you and give you a lifesaver, and you tell me what flavor it is,' she tells the children. So she gives them all a cherry flavor, and says, 'What flavor is that?'
The whole class answers 'Mmmm, that's cherry.'
'Very good,' the teacher replies. So she gives them all a grape and they reply, 'Mmm, that's grape.'
'Very good,' she says again.
Then she gives them all a honey flavor. The whole class sits perplexed by the strange taste, so the teacher says 'OK, I'll give you a hint, it's something your parents might call each other.'
Billy spits his out on the floor and yells, 'Spit 'em out everyone, they're ASSHOLES!'
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Little Billy
LITTLE BILLY ON...PRIVACY
Little BILLY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar after another. After the 6th one, a man on the bench across from him said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
Little BILLY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
Oh?" replied the man." Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?" No" replied Little Billy, "he minded his own fucking business!!"
**************************************************
LITTLE BILLY ON...ENGLISH:
Little BILLY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?" BILLY says " Mas-tur-bate."
Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little BILLY, that's a outhful."
Little BILLY says, "No, Miss Rogers,you're thinking of a blow-job."
**************************************************
LITTLE BILLY ON...PHILOSOPHY
A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on little BILLY. He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot." The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking." Then little BILLY says, "I have a question for YOU.
There are 3 women sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream. Which one is married?
The teacher, blushing a great deal, replies, "Well, I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone." To which Little BILLY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."
**************************************************
LITTLE BILLY ON...GRAMMAR:
One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of hands from those who could use the word "beautiful" in the same sentence twice. First she called on little Suzie, who responded with, "My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it." Very good, Suzie," replied the teacher. She then called on little Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully."
The teacher responded, "Excellent, Michael!" Then, she reluctantly called on little BILLY. "Last night, at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said "Beautiful, just fucking beautiful!"
**************************************************
LITTLE BILLY ON...MATH:
Little BILLY returns home from school and says he got an F in arithmetic. Why?" asks the father." The teacher asked, 'How much is 2x3?' I said 6," replied BILLY. But that's right!" says his dad. "Yeah, but then she asked me, 'How much is 3x2?'" What's the fucking difference? " asks the father. "That's what I said!"
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LITTLE BILLY ON ... GRAMMAR 2:
Little BILLY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed to go to the bathroom. He yelled out," Miss Jones, I need to take a piss!!" Miss Jones replied, "Now, BILLY, that is NOT the proper word to use in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'. Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly and I will allow you to go." Little BILLY thinks for a bit, then says, "You're an eight, but if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"
**************************************************
LITTLE BILLY ON ... MORAL:
One day at the end of class little Billy's teacher has the class go home and think of a story and then conclude the moral of that story. The following day the teacher asks for the first volunteer to tell a story. Suzy said, "Sunday we load the chicken eggs on the truck and drive into town to sell them at the market. Well, one Sunday we hit a big bump and all the eggs flew out of the basket and onto the road." The teacher asks for the moral of the story. Suzy replies, "Don't keep all your eggs in one basket."
Next is little Lucy. "Well, my dad owns a farm too and every weekend we take the chicken eggs and put them in the incubator. Last weekend only 8 of the 12 eggs hatched." The teacher asks for the moral of the story. Lucy replies "Don't count your chickens before they're hatched."
Last is little Billy. "My uncle Ted fought in the Vietnam war; his plane was shot down over enemy territory. He jumped out before it crashed with only a case of beer, a machine gun and a machete. On the way down he drank the case of beer. Unfortunately, he landed right in the middle of 100 Vietnamese soldiers. He shot 70 with his machine gun but ran out of bullets, so he pulled out his machete and killed 20 more. The blade on his machete broke, so he killed the last ten with his bare hands". The teacher looks in shock at Billy and asks if there is possibly any moral to his story. Billy replies, "Don't fuck with uncle Ted when he's been drinking."
**************************************
LITTLE BILLY ON ... TASTE:
It's the first day of kindergarten, and the teacher decides to do taste association. 'I'll blindfold you and give you a lifesaver, and you tell me what flavor it is,' she tells the children. So she gives them all a cherry flavor, and says, 'What flavor is that?'
The whole class answers 'Mmmm, that's cherry.'
'Very good,' the teacher replies. So she gives them all a grape and they reply, 'Mmm, that's grape.'
'Very good,' she says again.
Then she gives them all a honey flavor. The whole class sits perplexed by the strange taste, so the teacher says 'OK, I'll give you a hint, it's something your parents might call each other.'
Billy spits his out on the floor and yells, 'Spit 'em out everyone, they're ASSHOLES!'
