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Q. Why do bagpipers always walk when they play?
A. Moving targets are harder to hit.
Q. How do you get two bagpipes to play a perfect unison?
A. Shoot one.
Q. What's the difference between a bagpipe and a trampoline?
A. You take off your shoes when you jump on a trampoline.
Q. How can you tell a bagpiper with perfect pitch?
A. He can throw a set into the middle of a pond and not hit any of
the ducks.
Q. How is playing a bagpipe like throwing a javelin blindfolded?
A. You don't have to be very good to get people's attention.
Q. What's the difference between the Great Highland and Northumbrian
bagpipes?
A. The GHB burns longer (but the Northumbrian burns hotter)
Q. If you were lost in the woods, who would you trust for directions, an in-tune bagpipe player,
an out of tune bagpipe player, or Santa Claus?
A. The out of tune bagpipe player. The other two indicate you have
been hallucinating.
Q. How do you make a chain saw sound like a bagpipe?
A. Add vibrato.
Q. What's the definition of a gentleman?
A. Someone who knows how to play the bagpipe and doesn't.
Q. What's the difference between a dead snake in the road and a dead bagpiper in the road?
A. Skid marks in front of the snake.
Q. What's the range of a bagpipe?
A. Twenty yards if you have a good arm.
Q. What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians?
A. A bagpiper.
Q. How can you tell if a bagpipe is out of tune?
A. Someone is blowing into it.
Q. Why is a bagpipe like a SCUD missile?
A. Both are offensive and inaccurate.
Q. Why did the bagpiper get mad at the drummer?
A. He moved a drone and wouldn't tell him which one.
Q. Why do bagpipers walk when they play?
A. To get away from the sound.
Q. Why do they call it a "kilt"?
A. Because a lot of people got kilt when they called it a skirt.
Q: Why did God give bagpipers a "little" more brains than horses?
A: So they don't embarrass themselves in a parade.